‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse…
Except for the Holy Spirit. Girl was making a ruckus!
“Jericho, get up,” the powerful voice said, stirring me from my half-asleep and dazed state, on Christmas Eve 2024. “I have a message for you to give to your brother. He needs to hear from me.”
Oh boy. “What if I’m making this up in my head?” I asked myself.
“Jericho, this is real. Get a pen and paper. I have something for you to write.”
Reluctantly, I got a pen and paper and began writing. I knew the Spirit was speaking directly to me, as the writing was coherent and beautiful despite my tired brain cells riding the struggle bus. I finished the page-long letter when the voice cut off, an image appeared vividly in my mind. An image of me giving my brother this letter and anointing him with oil while praying blessings upon him. “He is gonna think I am crazy…”
I put the letter in a cute little polar bear gift bag and placed it under the illuminated tree. Come Christmas morning, I presented the gift to my brother, saying, “Hey, maybe read this in private,” my fingers crossed he wouldn’t think it was too weird.
Later that night, my family was doing our tradition of “Gifts to Jesus.” Every year for the last twenty-five years, we’ve written down something we want to give Jesus for his birthday. Such gifts from me have included: “badniss” (age 6), disrespect for my elders (age 12), and anger towards brothers, which was often re-gifted. But this year, I gave Jesus my voice.
I shared with my family that I wanted to boldly speak messages the Spirit gave me, with strength and courage, even though I felt anxious and afraid. Then, with tears in his eyes, my brother shared how the letter I wrote was words of the Lord and included the exact phrases the Lord had been whispering in his ear many years ago.
At that moment, the Lord brought back the image from the night before, in which I anointed my brother. I asked him, “Is it okay if I do something you will probably find weird?”
“Ummm… it depends on what that is.”
I ran and grabbed Costco’s Extra Virgin Olive oil (yes, you can laugh) from the kitchen. I’m just thankful it wasn’t Pam spray! He understood what I was asking. I anointed him with a spirit of peace and prayed blessings upon his life from Exodus 33:12-23 and Psalm 33:4-5. It was a treasured moment, between both queer biological siblings and siblings in Christ. It was a moment of encouragement and a reminder that the Lord uses us to bless one another. A reminder that we need one another.
This is true not just for my brother and me, but for Revoice and the Body of Christ. We need one another, and God wants to use us to bless one another. There is so much beauty when we come together as the Body of Christ, leaning on and supporting each other, just as God designed.
The story of Esther has been echoing in my mind these past few months. Maybe it’s because I just gave a teaching on Esther to our church’s youth group, or maybe it is because it just feels more relevant than ever to the LGBTQ+/SSA community. Regardless, I keep seeing beauty in Esther’s story. Let me set the stage for what I love about Esther:
Esther was chosen as the new queen, but in Persia, Jews were the targeted minority. She felt the need to keep her Jewish identity secret for her safety. Mordecai, her cousin who raised her, uncovers a plot to kill the king and ends up saving King Xerxes, but the act goes unrecognized. Haman, the king’s right-hand man, despises Mordecai because he would not bow down to him, so he decides to commit genocide and kill all the Jews in the empire. He gets the king to make an executive order to have all the Jews killed on a specific date, and the king does not even realize he is signing Esther’s death warrant. Mordecai encourages Esther to reveal her Jewish identity to the king and to plead for the salvation of her people. The problem is that she can only see the king if she is summoned; otherwise, she can be killed. Esther’s anxiety kicks in because this is a matter of life or death. Here’s what Mordecai says:
“Don’t think for a moment that because you’re in the palace you will escape when all other Jews are killed. If you keep quiet at a time like this, deliverance and relief for the Jews will arise from some other place, but you and your relatives will die. Who knows if perhaps you were made queen for just such a time as this?” (Esther 4:13-14, NLT)
Then Esther sent this reply to Mordecai: “Go and gather together all the Jews of Susa and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. My maids and I will do the same. And then, though it is against the law, I will go in to see the king. If I must die, I must die.” So Mordecai went away and did everything as Esther had ordered him. (Esther 4:15-17, NLT)
I see so much beauty in the relationship between Mordecai and Esther. He encourages her but also challenges her to do something greater than herself. He listens to what she has to say and acts on it. He does all of this not because she is the only option for the Lord to save the Jews, but because her voice matters. Because God wanted to use her voice to save His people. And God did just that. Esther was made for such a time.
I want to see this beauty between women and men in our Revoice spaces because it brings more glory and goodness to the Kingdom of God. I have experienced some of this goodness, like with my gay biological brother at Christmas, or when a gay spiritual brother tells me, “Perhaps you were made for such a time as this” while praying encouragement over me. I long for this beauty in Revoice because it is so undeniably beautiful and life-giving!
Unfortunately, many of us women have yet to experience this goodness in Revoice spaces. Let me explain:
Entering the Revoice conference, I have always seen the overwhelming number of men. Everywhere. If you are confused about what I mean, go to the Revoice website and look through the photos on each page. Try to find the picture of one woman surrounded by five men. The funny thing is, there are three of these pictures! This is what it feels like at Revoice at times, despite women making up half of the LGBTQ+/SSA community and over half of the Church population.
As a result of this, many women have reported feeling left out of spaces at the conference and noting that it has been challenging to connect with other LGBTQ+/SSA women. It can feel like a game of Where’s Waldo: Queer Women Edition.
I’ve questioned if men even want to hear our voices or know us as people. What’s funny is that in straight spaces, men often want to hear from women if they find them sexually desirable or attractive. At the conference, it does not feel like our gay brothers want to know us because we are not sexually desirable to them. Almost as though women are still given value based on our sexual appeal.
One memorable moment from the 2022 conference was when Steven and Paolo shared about their friendship on stage as a straight pastor and a gay man. It was memorable for a multitude of amazing reasons, but one that sticks out to me is how it left me questioning: why can’t I have a relationship like this with one of my pastors? And I realized…it’s because I’m a woman.
Women have an additional challenge in navigating these relationships with pastors because a large majority of pastors are straight men who are wary of emotional intimacy with women in their church. A consequence is a lack of discipleship and leadership training for women. Once, I was raging at the Lord, asking why He didn’t send a gay man to do the work of making my church safer for LGBTQ+/SSA folks. The male pastors might listen to a gay man. The Lord replied, “Jericho, I sent you.”
God wants to use, and is using, women’s voices to bring His Kingdom to come. The question is, are you listening?
Another obstacle is how male-centered Revoice is. Men’s stories and experiences are often the focal point. Men are often the authors of the “Side B” books and, therefore, more likely to be given speaking opportunities. They are the ones more likely to be invited to preach in a church, and therefore more likely to be given speaking and leadership opportunities at Revoice. This is an undeniable feedback loop.
This is seen most clearly with who is a keynote speaker or leading a breakout session. Just go through the video library and start counting the ratio of female-to-male speakers. I know math can be challenging, at least for bisexuals, but you will find an overwhelming amount of LGBTQ+/SSA speakers who are men. I will note that this has been improving over the years, as seen in the last two conferences. However, looking in the Revoice library archive, I found that for the 2018 conference, only two out of twelve teachings were from women. In the 2022 conference, of the fifteen sessions, only five included women or non-binary folks, and two of those were straight women.
