Can I Be Real For a Second?

Mar 10

“My first in-person experience [at Revoice] in St. Louis was overwhelming. I didn't expect there to be so many men, rooms felt loud, I didn't know who to sit with, and I recall the newcomer breakout session during lunch the first day was a circle of chairs composed of nearly 30 white men. I was enjoying the content of the conference, but felt on edge…
Thankfully I met two other gals that I got to hang out with the rest of the time–that made a huge difference… we have since become friends and keep in touch. But, we literally met over her asking me how I was doing and me saying, "Can I be real for a second? There are so many men here!!”
— Anonymous response to Revoice’s survey to LGBTQ+/SSA women

I think this quote captures what a lot of women have felt at the Revoice conference: There are so many men here! But why? Why is our conference (and our Local Chapters) predominantly male? This six-part blog series will attempt to explore some of the reasons and ideas for change.

We’ll discuss:

Where we’ve been, acknowledging the historical context of Revoice, the Church, and secular queer spaces.
Where we are, our current society and what it’s like to attend Revoice events as a woman.
Where we hope to go, how we can better empower and support women’s flourishing throughout our movement.

Along the way, we’ll highlight, uplift, and honor the experiences of LGBTQ/ SSA women.

A word to my brothers: Keep reading! The Apostle Paul exhorts us:
Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ… But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. (1 Corinthians 12:12, 24-26)

First, we are all parts of one body in Christ: women, trans people, nonbinary folks, and men. The more “parts” we have, the more we will resemble an entire human body, rather than a gigantic ear. Our community is incomplete without women. Our community is missing something when women are not in the room.

Second, a great deal of women have had positive experiences in Revoice spaces (myself included), AND there are hardships that we experience in a male-dominated room. Here are a few anonymous responses to the survey:

“There are definitely times I feel like an outsider being around all men.”
“What’s challenging is since most attendees are male, it’s hard to find people who can relate to my story and experiences.”
“Currently, Revoice feels more like a male-focused event where women are welcomed.”

Paul teaches that the body’s “parts should have equal concern for each other.” Brothers, would you have concern for us? Would you listen to us as we vulnerably share our pains and make space in your hearts for us? Would you suffer with us?

Thank you.

The Data

Gals, thank you for filling out our survey. I am a sucker for statistics, so I present to you: The Queer Women of Revoice. Caveat: Of course, not every LGBTQ+/SSA woman in our community responded to the survey. This is just a sample size of our community.

Number of Survey Responses & Location

We received survey responses from 62 women across 27 states, with five respondents living outside the United States.

What is your preferred language to refer to your sexual identity? (select all that apply)

Confession: I forgot to include “Asexual” as an option! Please forgive me, and thank you for writing in your responses. Ace folks, represent!

It’s striking to me that similar numbers of us identify as “Gay/ Lesbian” as they do “Same-Sex Attracted.” I’m grateful that our community has been big enough to hold space for both of these identity labels.

What is your ethnic background? (select all that apply)

It’s no surprise that our community is overwhelmingly White. Revoice recognizes this and has been working hard to increase racial diversity in our community. However, we have a long way to go. In some ways, this reflects the United States, where 71% identify as White (alone or in combination). In other ways, this reflects the high cost of being LGBTQ/ SSA in a non-White family.

I’m Chinese American, and my sexuality doesn’t just affect me, it colors how people view my parents and relatives. Many LGBTQ+/SSA people of color won’t publicly acknowledge their sexuality because it would bring shame to their family. Additionally, there are strong cultural values that prize marriage and kids. Some parents are deeply disappointed - even devastated - when they learn that their kid is gay. There are numerous forces pressuring LGBTQ/ SSA people of color to keep their sexuality a secret. Coming out of the closet is an uphill climb with high costs. Furthermore, conversations about sexuality are virtually nonexistent in immigrant churches.

In conclusion, there are a constellation of reasons why it may be more difficult for people of color to come to terms with their sexuality, much less openly acknowledge it. That’s not to say that White people don’t encounter similar difficulties, just that it’s different for people of color. We’ll explore this more in our next blog post.

Birth Year

We are mostly Millennials! Or maybe Millennials are the only ones who had the patience to fill out the survey! That said, I’m thankful for our elders, and I want our community to be a place where Gen X (and older) folks feel like they belong. We have much to learn from them.

I suspect that our Gen Z segment will continue to grow - 23% of Gen Z identifies as LGBTQ now.

The survey has already spurred thoughtful conversations within our Revoice staff team, and I’m excited to slowly implement some of the excellent ideas and suggestions we’ve heard. Already, this blog series was directly shaped by your feedback.

Onwards! The next blog posts will be written by three fabulous guest writers in our community: Johana-Marie Williams, Jericho Noel Sullivan, and Hannah "Bee" Bowens. Come back next week to read the next post. I’m praying that this blog series elevates the voices of women in our community and helps us dream about what women’s flourishing looks like in our movement.

Happy Women’s History Month!

Janelle Look

Janelle Look (she/her) grew up in the Bay Area and is a 3rd generation Chinese American. She has lived in South Los Angeles since 2009, serving at a local, neighborhood-focused ECC church. She worked as a paralegal for five years before transitioning into full-time ministry with Servant Partners, a movement pursuing justice and community transformation alongside urban marginalized communities. After eight years with Servant Partners, Janelle joined the Revoice staff in the Fall of 2023. She is exceedingly grateful that God is converging her passions and experiences in faith, ministry, and sexuality. Janelle is a proud Bsian (Side B & Asian) and late bloomer bisexual.

"In 2020, at a point when I was questioning the traditional sexual ethic for my life, I stumbled upon a webinar by Rachel Gilson. As I listened, I felt a burning sensation in my chest, a telltale sign of God’s conviction. Through the webinar, God asked me, 'Janelle, even if you don’t understand my command to refrain from a same-sex relationship, will you trust me?' In my heart, I said yes. This was a turning point for me. After more than a decade of ignoring, denying, and running away from my same-sex attraction, I finally accepted that I was bisexual. I started learning more about Side B and got involved in the Revoice community. It’s been such a rich experience! It’s difficult to summarize the countless, priceless gifts that Jesus has given me. I’m so grateful for my Side B friendships, a stronger and more robust theology, and the deep sense of peace that comes with embracing every part of myself.

As a Care Minister in Los Angeles, I have the unique privilege of chatting with many LGBTQ & SSA folks and hearing their stories. I want to share themes that I've observed. By sharing 'stories from the field' of ministry, I hope that readers will be encouraged and feel less alone in their experiences." — Janelle