Can I Be Real For a Second?
“My first in-person experience [at Revoice] in St. Louis was overwhelming. I didn't expect there to be so many men, rooms felt loud, I didn't know who to sit with, and I recall the newcomer breakout session during lunch the first day was a circle of chairs composed of nearly 30 white men. I was enjoying the content of the conference, but felt on edge…
Thankfully I met two other gals that I got to hang out with the rest of the time–that made a huge difference… we have since become friends and keep in touch. But, we literally met over her asking me how I was doing and me saying, "Can I be real for a second? There are so many men here!!”
— Anonymous response to Revoice’s survey to LGBTQ+/SSA women
I think this quote captures what a lot of women have felt at the Revoice conference: There are so many men here! But why? Why is our conference (and our Local Chapters) predominantly male? This six-part blog series will attempt to explore some of the reasons and ideas for change.
We’ll discuss:
Where we’ve been, acknowledging the historical context of Revoice, the Church, and secular queer spaces.
Where we are, our current society and what it’s like to attend Revoice events as a woman.
Where we hope to go, how we can better empower and support women’s flourishing throughout our movement.
Along the way, we’ll highlight, uplift, and honor the experiences of LGBTQ/ SSA women.
A word to my brothers: Keep reading! The Apostle Paul exhorts us:
Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ… But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. (1 Corinthians 12:12, 24-26)
First, we are all parts of one body in Christ: women, trans people, nonbinary folks, and men. The more “parts” we have, the more we will resemble an entire human body, rather than a gigantic ear. Our community is incomplete without women. Our community is missing something when women are not in the room.
Second, a great deal of women have had positive experiences in Revoice spaces (myself included), AND there are hardships that we experience in a male-dominated room. Here are a few anonymous responses to the survey:
“There are definitely times I feel like an outsider being around all men.”
“What’s challenging is since most attendees are male, it’s hard to find people who can relate to my story and experiences.”
“Currently, Revoice feels more like a male-focused event where women are welcomed.”
Paul teaches that the body’s “parts should have equal concern for each other.” Brothers, would you have concern for us? Would you listen to us as we vulnerably share our pains and make space in your hearts for us? Would you suffer with us?
Thank you.
The Data
Gals, thank you for filling out our survey. I am a sucker for statistics, so I present to you: The Queer Women of Revoice. Caveat: Of course, not every LGBTQ+/SSA woman in our community responded to the survey. This is just a sample size of our community.
Number of Survey Responses & Location
We received survey responses from 62 women across 27 states, with five respondents living outside the United States.
What is your preferred language to refer to your sexual identity? (select all that apply)
Preferred Language Responses
Confession: I forgot to include “Asexual” as an option! Please forgive me, and thank you for writing in your responses. Ace folks, represent!
It’s striking to me that similar numbers of us identify as “Gay/ Lesbian” as they do “Same-Sex Attracted.” I’m grateful that our community has been big enough to hold space for both of these identity labels.
What is your ethnic background? (select all that apply)
Ethnic Background Responses
It’s no surprise that our community is overwhelmingly White. Revoice recognizes this and has been working hard to increase racial diversity in our community. However, we have a long way to go. In some ways, this reflects the United States, where 71% identify as White (alone or in combination). In other ways, this reflects the high cost of being LGBTQ/ SSA in a non-White family.
I’m Chinese American, and my sexuality doesn’t just affect me, it colors how people view my parents and relatives. Many LGBTQ+/SSA people of color won’t publicly acknowledge their sexuality because it would bring shame to their family. Additionally, there are strong cultural values that prize marriage and kids. Some parents are deeply disappointed - even devastated - when they learn that their kid is gay. There are numerous forces pressuring LGBTQ/ SSA people of color to keep their sexuality a secret. Coming out of the closet is an uphill climb with high costs. Furthermore, conversations about sexuality are virtually nonexistent in immigrant churches.
In conclusion, there are a constellation of reasons why it may be more difficult for people of color to come to terms with their sexuality, much less openly acknowledge it. That’s not to say that White people don’t encounter similar difficulties, just that it’s different for people of color. We’ll explore this more in our next blog post.
Birth Year
Birth Year Responses
